regrets ....

I got back from the south west last night after 3 days, 700 miles, quite a few meetings and good training sessions with YFC trustees.

I have been challenged by the levels of mission I have seen. I have enjoyed meeting with people who I am going to miss when I leave YFC. I have had the privilege of hearing dreams, sharing tears, enjoying meals, laughing with friends and visiting some pretty nice parts of the world. My one regret on such a trip, as ever, is that I can never spend enough time in one place to really enjoy it. One unusual exception was having a spare 90 minutes yesterday in Teignmouth which enabled me to eat a sandwich, drink good coffee and gaze out to sea. As I look across the vast expanse of the sea I always seem to connect meaningfully with God.

Traveling between centres can often be pretty full on but I enjoy the thinking on my feet side of the job that is often needed on trips like this. My other regreat is that all the driving takes it toll on my aging back. The result of this is that I can't be involved in the MBS fair tomorrow as I have for the last couple of years. I can't really move or stand long enough to be of any use to Dekhomai.

I shall miss the authentic interaction with people, the privilege of praying for people, the sights of healing, the searching conversations, the mystery and challenge, and the wonder of realising that God is not only present but incredibly active in such a place.

I'm really gutted by this as a particular highlight of my year - but I guess while I am sat or lying at home I can pray for the team! Please pray for the Dekhomai team for the rest of this weekend.

the need for a father?

I'm quite disturbed by this part of the vote last night in particular as we now seem to have legislation that deliberately plans for no father to be involved in the life of a child.

Technology has meant we can take this step for a while, but this is disturbing as it takes away the right of the child to have a father and sees the right to have a baby as more important.

I am disturbed because of my personal situation. For years I never knew my natural father, but I knew I had a father out there somewhere. As I got older the desire to 'find my father roots' became very strong and the finding of that person became quite important. The fact that that father has little to do with me, or doesn't want much to do with me, is immaterial - its important for me to know who my father is.

Last night MP's voted and effectively took away any way of meeting that need for some children. I can't help but wonder what effect this is going to have when children ask the question and they are told that, actually, they have no father.

I think it could be devastating and potentially a lot of children could be at risk of mass identity crisis.

Friends and travelling

It's been great to spend the evening with friends tonight. A massive bonus of being in YFC is the quality of friendships I have developed over the years.

Tonight I am staying with Paul and Nia in Cheltenham and its simply great being with people who have a wonderful gift of hospitality. It's so easy to feel comfortable here and I appreciate that.

It was also great to pop out tonight, meet the new chair of Cheltenham YFC and grab the end of the football - I was a neutral but felt immensely sad for John Terry - sometimes it is a cruel game .... as many Gillingham fans will agree

Tomorrow I'm off to Taunton to meet up with Lucy and do some training with the Taunton YFC trustees ... don't think they have internet that far south!

Friday I'm off to Bath YFC before traveling to the Teenbridge Project near Torquay.

Quite a few miles still ahead of me!

it hurts

A day in the south west and I'm challenged again about the sacrifice that people make for mission and ministry. I'm struck by the sheer effort people are putting in, often in dire circumstances with little encouragement or support from 'local church'.

Today, in the privacy of my car, I have wept for people and it's quite a sobering experience. I've been reminded again of the raw edge of ministry.

Ministry hurts, ministry costs, ministry makes demands in ways nothing else does - it is not good for your health and anyone that thinks ministry gives a status needs to take a fresh look at how Jesus was continually treated alongside his ultimate fate.

Another day which has highlighted amazingly, following my last blog, that ministry costs big time.

south west centres

For the next few days I am visiting our (YFC) centres in the south west. Over the next few days I will be visiting Gloucester, Cheltenham, Torquay, Bath, Bristol, Taunton, Yeovil and maybe some other places. I shall be meeting up with various people such as YFC directors, volunteers and trustees as well as grabbing a meeting with Michael Volland who is pioneering exciting stuff from Gloucester Cathedral with Feig. I think Michael will be someone I chat a bit with as I start at Rochester Cathedral.

I'm not sure what internet access I'm going to have while away so the blog will probably be quiet.

update ... the black bird is back

The Blackbird is back sitting on her nest and being the dutiful mother once again.
Sadly, the likelihood is that as she was away for the best part of the day the eggs have probably died. The cruelness of nature once again!

But maybe there is a metaphor for ministry here too.

Sometimes people, or leaders, go through the motions and seem to do all the right things and yet they could be wasting their time because they are doing it too late, or inappropriately etc etc.

The blackbirds are doing what is instinctively right for them to do - but their 'mistake' (for sake of a better term) was to allow themselves to be scared off by the magpie. If they had stayed sat on the nest they could still be sitting on live eggs. They got scared, lost focus and disappeared only later to come back when it was seen to be safe.

Sometimes to come back when it is safe is already too late. There is something powerful about standing in painful situations with others rather than retreating. There is something necessary about ministry, developing a new transformational life, that inevitably brings pain and needs a stand to be made.

I guess we need discernment to know when to run and when to stand - but I can't help but think too much running occurs when a stand should be made.

the magpie cometh

I have often written here of the wonder of creation and how God is clearly evident and at work within it. It still amazes that people look for God 'up there' or 'out there' or 'over there' when God is clearly present and working right here and right now. Where we stand, where we walk, where we sit is sacred ground because God stands, walks and sits with us - whether we recognise God or not!

For the last few days we have been getting excited at the wonder of creation. Alonside our garage which is really a shed is an amazing Clematis plant. A couple of weeks ago Joe and I noticed a blackbird collecting 'nesting material' and flying into the bush. For the last week while going into the garage to get things we have seen the blackbirds have made a nest wedged between the garage window and the clematis. It was quite an amazing sight and we looked forward to seeing Blackbird chicks in the next few weeks.

While writing today I was distracted by an amazing noise in the garden. The two blackbirds were screeching at two massive magpies which had noticed the nest. The blackbirds were no match and seem to have deserted the nest and abandoned the eggs to the magpies.

Creation is mazing and beautiful, but sometimes it seems that creation can be quite cruel as well. While it is easy to see God in the beauty and wonder of creation, it is quite difficult to see God in the cruelness of creation. God is there but difficult to recognise some of the time.

The kids have got it!

Over the last couple of days I have had some great theological conversations with my children. At the end of last week I was measured for and ordered robes and so I guess this has brought the ordination event in September to a sense of reality for all of us.

I've been impressed as I never thought my children were taking so much good stuff in. What I have been particularly excited about is that they have been asking challenging questions around what they have heard in church and whether ALL Christians believe that or just some Christians.

I was excited by this as it dawned on me that my children have grasped something lots of adults seem to take ages to grasp - that not all Christians necessarily believe exactly the same over various issues and that is it ok to think differently and still be a follower of Jesus Christ.

One of the many meanings of synagogue shared with me when I visited a local synagogue was 'house of discussion'. This is something that I see as quite essential to church community - a place to discuss and churn over issues in the reality of life, rather than just listen to one opinion with no option to challenge or dialogue.

It's great how children cans see through complicated stuff right to the stuff that really matters.

I don't want to plant a church!

There is a lot of talk in fresh expressions and church generally about church planting. A idea, or a group of people, or whatever are taken from the sending church or churches and planting in a community with the aim of growing church. The idea does not grab me and actually leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable.

I know only a little about planting in an agricultural sense - but the little I do know leads me to think that church planting is not really what is needed. To plant in this sense essentially you need a seed of something already growing, or you need to take a cutting from a plant/tree or graft and plant, nourish, feed and water that seed.

The seed, cutting or whatever will then grow - but it will grow to look exactly like the plant it was taken from. The seed grows as a copy of the seed bearer. An apple seed will look like an apple tree, a carrot seed will produce a carrot plant, tomatoes produce tomatoes and so on and so on. This is good for crop and plant growing but I suggest it is not the only way for churches.

Not all, but many church plants, adopt the practices of their sending church. This is inevitable as the aim is to grow, and growth has to occur to be attractive. I suggest this is not good because it seems to take little account of the environment into which the 'church seed' is being planted. The expectation of what it will look like is pre-determined. The expectation that growth will occur is also a criterion for success.

To take a seed and plant it somewhere else will always produce an identical plant from which the seed bearing plant it has come. This is simple genetics. It's true the seed may grow into a better or worse specimen health-wise depending on the environment into which it is planted - but still the species will be the same. Planting is replication.

I don't want to plant a church - I want to be involved in birthing a church!

I think there is a difference, particularly if we look to the human birth process - and I thought about this while I looked at my three wonderful children. My three children are great and, like most children born of the same parents, they display similarities but they are incredibly unique in their makeup and actions as well.

In the human birth process, seeds grow and the child that is then born and develops is recognisable as coming from the parents (seed bearers!), and is recognisable as being related to the siblings, but each is a unique creation. That uniqueness comes from the effect on the environment upon them both while they were developing in the womb and since they have been born, it also comes from their reactions to what is around them, it also comes from how the parents have related to them at the time, it also comes from choices they make, relationships they have, things they like and dislike or try or avoid - the variables are massive.

The person created is unique to the relationship and reaction to the particular environmental variables at those particular points in time.

To develop authentic church community I believe we need to think a lot more about the birthing process than the planting process. This will involve us more in the mystery of church by allowing the Holy Spirit to shape rather than us trying to shape, determine and control church ourselves. To birth a church we need to bring the seeds together and then allow God through the Holy Spirit to do the creative work that God does.

What particularly strikes me here is that with birthing there are no guarantees but with planting there are great expectations. Seeds are planted and growth is expected as a sign quite quickly. Many wanting to give birth can tell stories of various attempts, of the need for lots of patience and essentially there is no correct way of ensuring that the birthing process can start - the conditions may all be 'textbook correct' but sometimes still nothing happens - and yet other times something does.

There are pointers to church birth in both the New Testament and the early church which both surprised and excited me. Gregory the Great, in his work On the Pastoral Charge, (quoted in Cocksworth & Brown's Being a Priest Today) used the analogy of 'mother' to describe a priest. He speaks of the capacity that mothers have to give birth and to nurture life. Paul refers to being in the 'pains of childbirth' in Galatians 4:19 and in 1 Thessalonians again he uses imagery of a mother feeding and caring for her children. This imagery is helpful as I consider the role of 'priest' in this setting.

Birthing and caring obviously involve a significant giving of self - involvement in the birthing of a church will be costly and involve significant energy, time and nurture - but the end result is quite a beautiful creation.

YFC in Burma

BURMA

The death toll predictions following Cyclone Nargis nine days ago continue to climb, and presently stand at over 200,000.
YFC Burma is there, and doing what it can…

On Saturday, May 3rd, 120mph Cyclone Nargis forced ashore in Myanmar (Burma) with waves up to 20ft high. The Irrawaddy town of Labutta - population 80,000 - was wiped off the map. Most residents are still without power, food, or safe drinking water.

“Official” reports say there are 24,000 dead, 40,000 missing. People inside Myanmar estimate that the death toll is closer to 200,000 and could reach 500,000 through disease and hunger, if external aid continues to be blocked by the army. You will have no doubt seen some secretly filmed pictures – and heard the horrific stories. People and Governments from across the world want to help, but they want to be sure that the money will not fall into the wrong hands.

One way to make sure is to donate through YFC...
YFC Myanmar has 20 fulltime staff and over 350 volunteers serving in partnership with over 350 local churches across the country. MYFC is already using what they have to help. All the staff and volunteers are assisting in the cleanup and repairs. We need chain saws, axes, and fuel for transport. MYFC also wants to help families by providing textbooks and cash for their registration fees when schools reopen in June.

Today, most MYFC staff receive just £12 per month. YFC International want to help MYFC staff and volunteers by providing funds to repair their own homes and help them survive the 400% increase in the price of fuel and basic necessities. We are hoping to raise a total of £15,000.

Please pray for YFC Myanmar and our staff and volunteers during this challenging time.
And please do give what you can via ‘just giving’ by visiting YFC Burma Cyclone Appeal

Please consider passing this email on to others in your church.

The becoming of G-d

Ian Mobsby's new book is now available.

I've ordered it and looking forward to a good read and thinking more on the concept of the Trinity and how we, in the west, have interpreted this and based practice upon that interpretation.

I have the privilege of having Ian as my mentor and so also had the privilege of being able to chat and hear from Ian some of his thinking on this. I think it sounds exciting - so what's topping you!

Go buy the book here!

walk into dreams

After a couple of YFC meetings this morning I had lunch with a few people and Steve Croft from Fresh Expressions.

It was a great and interesting time as we chatted about how things could be sustained (drawing on experience in particular from Jonny (Grace), Ian (Moot) and Steve (Holy Joes.), what we think church is to us now, and other related questions.

I enjoyed hearing ideas from others which is helping me to process what will be happening in September. It was also encouraging, again, to be in an environment of people that understand the vagueness that there can be when looking at starting something new.

As time draws nearer for me I hear a number of questions along the lines of 'what are you going to do?' which I think kind of means 'what is it going to look like?' My answer of 'I really don't know!' often draws a raised eyebrow or two.

It's quite elemental for me to start without a blue print. I can't see any other way of authentically finding a fresh expression with a group of people than seeking people and starting the process of exploration with them from scratch. Having ideas in my head, or a particular blueprint, stifles this process and I think all I would end up looking for would be people to help me achieve my dreams.

I think as an ordained pioneer minister my role should be quite a lot about working with searching people and journeying together to see our dreams become a reality. Authentic community, faithful ownership, and honest planning can only occur when we generally not only want the ideas and dreams of others but are willing to walk into them with others as well.

the depth of insignificance

As part of the YFC retreat looking at the metaphor of trees in our spiritual lives, we paid a visit to the Westonbirt Arboretum.

Its a magnificent place with hundreds of various trees growing in pretty amazing ways. I remember commenting on the variety of different greens that there were as we wondered from tree to tree following the footpath.

A couple of us were intrigued by the title '2000 year old lime' on the guide and thought we should explore further. We were excited at the thought of being able to see part of creation that had been here when Jesus walked the earth; after all its not an experience that you can repeat every day.

We were quite disappointed to find what you see in the first picture - a 2000 year old Lime coppice. The trees themselves are quite young, but the base of the trunks (second pic), and the roots, date back 2000 years. It may not have looked that impressive, but the significance was evident.

As I look back on my life certain areas can seem quite young and immature - that's because they are. When I look at others I can have a tendency to be quite judgemental and just look at the surface. If I had not known the significance of the age of this coppice I would have just wandered past.

Sometimes there is a need to pause, to reflect and consider the roots. This lime looked young, new, wispy and insignificant - but a closer look at the roots show that it stands on a pretty solid foundation that has sustained it for two thousand years, and probably will continue to sustain it for quite a while longer.

refreshing

The last few days have seen me in assignment mode good and proper as it seems I have been on a bit of a role by writing 2 in 2 days. I'm now in the happy position of only have 2 left to do for the middle of June .... but I've just realised that's still one every 2 weeks ... ah well!

I do feel a sense of achievement, however, and the worry of a large number of things disappearing has been quite a refreshing experience.

It's clearly not a coincidence that this time of manic work was preceded by a time of retreat. I came back from retreat pleased that the time went well and that people were supported. I did not, however, come back feeling particularly refreshed as I was not on retreat as such as our role was to be there to led the retreat.

But ... it seems God did refresh me in ways I do not understand or even notice. All I know is that I have been struggling for weeks to get my head around an essay on the theology of other religions, and after a time of retreat it flowed in less than 24 hours.

Amazing what God can do when you aint looking!

Last time I looked I was 14!!!

We had a great retreat and I think it may even have been one of the best ones we have done. I'll definitely be using the theme of trees again in the future with another group of people as the sessions seem to be very powerful for people and the metaphors of roots, trunk, branches and fruit were helpful for allowing people to rediscover where they were with God, and allow God to rediscover them.

The feelings were mixed as this will be my last retreat with YFC people. Those of you who pop in here ... thanks loads for the way you co-operated over the last few days as without that the retreat could have crashed and burned in so many ways.

Out of all the sessions, for me one of the most enjoyable was the communion on the last morning put together by Phil to consider our fruits of the Spirit and shown in the photo. On either side of the bread and wine we set up nine fruits to symbolise the fruits of the spirit. The idea was that people took and ate the fruits that they specifically wanted God to develop more of in them as well as offer fruits to others along similar lines based on prayer times and conversations had during the retreat. This was a unique mix of a powerful time with a lot of humour and laughter.

Personally I was struck by two comments made by particular people on the retreat. One was 'I know God loves me ... but how does God know that I love him?' That was an amazing question and one that I really thought on for the rest of the day. As I considered my life I came to the conclusion that there was not a lot to show that love I have, and quite a lot, actually, that could give the impression that my love was minimal.

I could argue it shows through the job and tasks that I do, but actually I get paid for them - so where are my gifts to God, those extra things I do, or say or think that show my God that I love him?

Another comment came form another great person on the retreat who was relfecting on her journey. The comment went something like 'how did i get where I am today - the last time I looked i was 14 ... now I'm 24 and directing a YFC centre!'

As soon as those words appeared I could relate 100%. As I look back, it does actually quite shock me to see where I am, where I have come from and where I seem to be being called to. I look back and I see nothing but sheer privilege there has been to srve God and others. As I looked back God seemed to be reminding me of how he had supported me in the past through seemingly impossible circumstances. Through that God seemed to be saying 'remain faithful, I will be supporting you on this next stage even if it does seem pretty hairy!'

The retreat ws a great time away. It enabled me to regain a little bit of perspective and every conversation I had I felt privilege to be a part of.

You can see the other retreat photos on my Flickr here.

Adrift

I'm off on retreat early in the morning (5.15am!) so won't be blogging for a while. (I didn't blog early in the morning - I'm making use of the new blogger scheduling tool which is pretty cool!)

I'm looking forward to some time to contemplate as life has been mega busy recently with family, work and study. It's easy to lose the focus and to feel adrift in such circumstances.

I guess that pretty much sums up how I am feeling at the moment - a little adrift and just floating in a calm summer sea merrily going where the lapping waves take me and not really having a lot to do with the direction I am taking. That's sometimes a god place to be, and I wish to be there in September - bu for now I need to be a little more disciplined so that targets are met and things are achieved.

These next few days I will pretty much be having a technology fast and making an attempt on re-centring around the stuff that matters.

During the retreat we are going to be taking the theme of trees and looking at how the tree grows, how it is shaped, how it is identified, how it bears fruit ... and so on and looking at the parallels between this and our spiritual lives.

Please pray for the YFC staff there - and see you in a few days time!

Burma storm deaths

As if the people of Burma have not suffered enough ...

The death toll from a devastating cyclone that hit western Burma on Saturday has now climbed to 3,939 people, state television says.

All those deaths were recorded in Rangoon and Irrawaddy, only two of five regions declared disaster zones.

Many more are feared dead in devastated outlying regions not yet reached by authorities or aid agencies.

A member of the ruling junta told diplomats in Rangoon that the final toll could reach 10,000.

read more here.

Amidst all our questions I guess all we can do is pray!

weekend reflections

It's been a great long weekend with lots of time to chill with the family and do some reading - although I am still struggling with the theology of other religions assignment which is becoming a bit of a frustration.

Yesterday we took a great walk along the coast from Seasalter to Whitstable. Looking along the coast and out to sea it was amazing to be able to notice and enjoy different elements of God's creation. The sea is always a place where I feel the closest to God and parts of yesterday this was very true.

I enjoy noticing God in the everyday as it reminds me, and shows others, how accessible God has made himself to us:

God in the beautiful parts of creation we observed.
God in the joy of our children playing.
God in our conversations of laughter.
God in the ordinary everyday stuff of family life.

The great long weekend is coming to an end though as I have to attend SEITE tonight as I can't make it tomorrow - although the subject is St Ignatius' spiritual writings so I'm quite looking forward to it. (Honesty moment: I'd miss the lecture but I'm going to write my assignment on this so thought I should make the effort!)

what a joke

Mark sums up the Boris and London situation very well here.
What a joke!

contrasting emotions

Today has been a day of sadness when I have reflected on the events of the last couple of days.
Labour's dismal performance in the elections and the election of Boris Johnson as the Mayor of London cause more than a little concern. I'm glad I don't live in London at this point in time! A sad day for politics.

Today Gillingham were relegated to League 2. We've have not played at this level for some 12 years and I'll be praying we cam move onwards and upwards quickly. A sad day for football.

These emotions of sadness have to be contrasted with the great joy experienced while spending time fixing and rebuilding a Guinea Pig run today with Joseph. W chatted, I measured, he sawed, we both hammered nails and in just a few hours we had a smart looking run for the newest members of the family to run about in. A happy day for family life.

Today I've remembered to live!

Nervous

Today is a nervy day, especially the next couple of hours.
Our house is experiencing tense nervous worries.
Many people today are hoping for Gillingham to win, and two other teams to lose so that we stay avoid relegation.
C'mon you Gills!

Urban Expression and the Incarnate Network Conference

I saw this on the YFC Blog and it looks excellent although it looks like I won't be able to be there as it clashes with Rochester Diocese's residential for Continuing Ministerial Education. Oh the joys that lie ahead for me ....

Urban Expression and the Incarnate Network Conference
Michael Frost - 9th October 2008 - CMS Centre Oxford

Invite you to join us for a day conference with Michael Frost to explore the implications of incarnational mission.

The day conference will run from 10.00 until 4.30. We will ask Michael to speak twice and give the rest of the time over to interaction and discussion around thetwo main themes. There will also be an opportunity for an open question/answer session to explore other issues

Michael will be talking on these two main issues:

• What are the implications of an incarnational approach to mission?
• How can indigenous leaders be empowered and released?

The cost for the day will be £20 (including lunch) or £15 (unwaged). To book a place, complete the booking form which can be obtained from this link and send it with a cheque payable to ‘Urban Expression’ to Urban Expression, 24 Effingham Road, Bristol BS6 5BJ.

Any queries, please contact Stuart Murray Williams: stuart@murraywilliams.co.uk